Web of Intrigue: Tattoo Trend Explained

This week, veteran UHS math teacher, Mr. Robert Schmidt, has been spotted on campus sporting a tribal-themed lower back tattoo. Is this symbol simply an artistic statement or a sign of sanity stretched too thin?

An unnamed source reveals that Mr. Schmidt is a new member of the nationally growing movement, Teachers Really Are Magnificent People. According to their website, this organization seeks to “restore teaching independence within the educational profession by any means necessary.” Their symbol, an intricate spider web, is affectionately called a “stamp.” Though our unnamed source believes an itsy bitsy spider crawled up Mr. Schmidt’s back, alarmed students have yet to unravel this mystery.

Many people were unable to identify the tattoo as a spider. Some referred to it as “mustache-shaped.” Others were certain metal chains encircled his waist. Yet, nearly all students seemed to share the worries of senior Oscar Thompson who quietly questioned, “Why would he do that?”

Engineering student, Gabriela Zamora, responded, “Because he’s out of this world.” Mr. Schmidt will soon be embarking on a mission to outer space through the Teachers in Space program.

Whatever his reason, Mr. Schmidt’s tattoos may be catching on either due to trend-setting ability or perhaps intimidation tactics. Mysterious AP Biology teacher, Mr. Gene Woon, and notorious English teacher, Mr. David Herring are also rumored to possess intricate body artwork.

When questioned, Mr. Herring sheepishly responded, “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it a tattoo.” Sophomore Neil Loring, comments, “It doesn’t matter how well he covers it up with his button-down polos. I’ll forever wonder if it’s there.” It seems this web of intrigue will be hard to untangle.

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